finding coping strategies to achieving a healthy self-esteem    Single woman finds the courage to talk to men & get dates!

"I heard Dr. Herman talk on WVNJ and was prompted to get Secrets from the Sofa. After reading the book, I spent considerable time doing the exercises and questions. I liked what Dr. Herman suggested, but wasn't expecting any miracles. Anyway, let me share my success story. I have been wanting to meet a man for some time.  I am 56 and was pretty much convinced that it was never going to happen. Well, I was attending a social function, and instead of rushing out like I usually do, I thought of the book.  I asked myself "What Dr. Herman would want me to do?" I realized that I needed to be assertive and make something happen. It was the first time that I've approached a man and started a conversation. As a result, I met a wonderful man who wants to be with me.  I don't know what the future holds but for the first time in the longest time I have something to look forward to.  I did it on my own because Dr. Herman told me I could!" Name withheld

Man is terrified of failing and avoid intimacy!    
"How do you tell someone that you can't get close to your wife physically?  I have more than erection problems! I'm terrified of failing and avoid intimacy whenever I can.  I have read sex manuals and they never deal with the fear of failure. So I said to myself, "Let me try one of these psychology books."  I was thinking maybe I have a confidence problem.  What I learned from reading Secrets from the Sofa is that there is help for all kinds of problems.  I haven't told my wife yet but I'm going to a shrink who has me talking about myself.  He even said my problem is common! And here I was, thinking that I was queer in some way! The book has a lot of good information and now that I am getting help I feel optimistic about the future.  I'll tell my wife, but I want to make more progress first." Name withheld    

Man throws the book at his wife!

"When my wife gave me this book, I threw it at her! That is typical behavior for me because I have a low fuse. To make this story short, I read the book and felt like Dr. Herman was writing about me. I have a problem with anger. Of course, I'm not stupid.  I have been to college and have an idea where all my anger comes from. I'm going to get help.  I'm not at the point where I can divulge this to my wife, but this book has started a fire in me. People have been telling me get help for years and I ignored them. Secrets from the Sofa sparked my interest.  My brain now tells me that resolving my emotional issues is the healthy thing to do.  Keep helping people, Dr. Herman. You're good at it!"  Name withheld    
My boss said I was too nervous!    
"I was having my performance evaluation, and my manager told me I was a good worker... but too nervous.  He said I didn't know how to relax and suggested I read this Secrets from the Sofa book.  At first I was annoyed and defensive.  After all, I was doing my job.  But, he asked me to come back later, and tell him what I thought of the book.  Actually, the book made me think about myself.  I have some things to work on, that I've never thought about.  I told my manager it was a good book because it makes a person think.  I thanked him for giving me the book." Name withheld    

Lost track of time while reading Secrets

I got Secrets from the Sofa in the library's psychology section. I've been feeling down and wanted a book to help me overcome depression. I started reading in the library and before I knew it I'd been reading for two hours!  I borrowed a pen and some paper and did the exercises.  I almost felt like I was personally working with Dr.Herman! When I took the book home, my wife was surprised and astonished.  She was thrilled that I was doing something productive to overcome my depression." Name withheld

"Secrets" helped me realize that I've been settling for mediocrity

"At my job, I was becoming more and more frustrated everyday. I felt like my job was an insult to my intelligence, that I could have been doing something more with my ability. Reading the case studies in Secrets from the Sofa is inspiring because I started thinking, if others can change, then so can I! Now I'm back in school and this time I'm making my future the top priority." Stuart

"Secrets' helps man recover from grief & abandonment


"My wife recently died and Secrets from the Sofa is a big source of comfort to me. I now realize that I must move on. This is the healthy thing to do.  This is what my wife would have wanted me to do. My daughter is currently reading the book too. Thank you, Dr. Herman, for writing such a sensitive book." Name withheld


Overcoming trauma of sexual abuse    
"I'm 27 years old and have to live with the memory of being sexually involved with my father. I don't have to explain what has gone on in my head since I was fourteen years old.  Questions like, "Where was my mother?" keep me obsessed. A friend gave me a copy of your book, and I read it completely.  I especially benefited from the chapter entitled, "When to Seek Professional Help."  Intellectually, I have always known I needed to see a therapist but emotionally, I was not ready. Your book gave me the courage to call for an appointment. Unfortunately, I think of myself as a bad person. I think no one will want me.  I have a terrible resentment of men.  You say that there is a chance for people to re-group, no matter how bad matters seem. I'm going to give it my best shot.  I know my anxieties will not go away overnight, but I'm optimistic about getting help. Thank you, Dr. Herman."  Name withheld

No more blaming others!    
"My psychiatrist diagnosed me with a character disorder, because I blame the world for my problems.  He gave me Secrets from the Sofa and said, "See what you can learn!"  Well, I read the book and learned plenty! I learned about personal responsibility-- that other people and situations don't cause my problems.  What Dr. Herman wrote in this book made a lot of sense. For the first time in my life, I started thinking about my strengths. I am a good provider. I am a good father. I am a good friend. The root of my problem is a bad habit of blaming everyone but myself when things go wrong. Since reading the book, I look to myself to make things better and I can usually find a solution.  It is strange, but I'm not getting depressed as much since reading Secrets from the Sofa. Thanks, Dr. Herman!" Name withheld

Increased awareness & power to change

"I'm 40 years old, yet still live with my mother. She makes me feel guilty whenever I talk about moving out on my own.  My doctor told me about your book, and I was particularly interested in the section on guilt. Dr. Herman says that nobody can make you feel guilty, unless you allow it. This got me thinking big time! Reading Secrets from the Sofa made me realize that I'm very dependent on my mother.  I'm not sure what I can achieve on my own because I have never afforded myself the opportunity to do so.  My friends tell me to get out and grow up! Somehow, I know that is the healthy thing to do. Having read your Secrets from the Sofa, I realize that I need to grow up. Secrets from the Sofa is an eye opener and now I'm taking action." Name withheld

Overcoming critical & fault-finding thoughts

"I'm 37 years old and bought Secrets from the Sofa because I was Dr. Herman's patient as a teenager.  I remember giving him a hard time. I grew up with neurotic parents who were always critical. It is hard to understand the negative effect of all that parental conflict. It is hard to grow up confident when your parents always find fault in you. Fortunately, I married a great lady and she helped me a lot. My wife encouraged me to read Secrets from the Sofa.  In fact, she read it too and we talked about it together.  Good job, Doc Herman!  Now, I feel like I've had a few years of therapy. I got a lot of answers reading the book.  Incidentally, great title!"  Name withheld

Light bulb & eureka moments    


"Reading Secrets from the Sofa was a great deal of help to me. The first part of the book talks about how what your parents say and do when you are a child can affect your adult life. It was like a light bulb went on when I read it. I suddenly realized what a good a job my parents did. It made me appreciate my childhood. I immediately sent an email to my brothers and sister telling them about the book and how my parents didn’t do any of the “bad” things.


I especially liked the section called “There’s No Time like the Present.” It’s about doing something that’s important to you NOW and not waiting. My parents took a cruise late in their life. At the time, my father had mild dementia. He hated the cruise, and my mother didn’t enjoy it because of my father. She told me afterwards “We should have done it 10 years ago.” Reading this section reinforced how important it is to not postpone things.


I’m a worrier. There is another great section which suggests, "Sometimes Mountains are Actually Just Mole Hills.” Dr. Herman said when you're worrying, ask yourself, “What’s the worst thing that could happen? And how realistic is that fear?”  I can’t tell you how often I repeat that phrase to myself now. It helps a lot! Secrets from the Sofa is a terrific book that has helped me immensely." Lisa Cross.

My boss gave me "Secrets from the Sofa"

"My company gave Secrets from the Sofa to their employees when Dr. Herman came to speak.  I'm not a reader but when my wife read it, she urged me to take a look.  It makes sense.  I knew that parents can shape a child's personality but did not know that you have to be careful what and how you say things to them. I'm going to spread the word on the job and tell my friends to look at the book.  I think my boss knew what he was doing when he arranged to distribute the book to all employees." Name withheld
Not sure if it's an accident or fate!    
"I happened to read Secrets from the Sofa by accident... or was it fate?  I was looking for a self-help book to help me relax.  This lady at the bookstore pointed out the book and said it was based the book on professional experience.  So, I took a shot and was surprised because I found a lot of good ideas that I am trying to put into practice. I liked reading about how other people deal with problems. The doctor says it is normal to have problems you just have to learn how to deal with them." Bob    

I learned plenty from this book!
"My college guidance counselor gave me a copy of Secrets from the Sofa because I choke up when taking tests. He asked what I was afraid of, and I couldn't tell him.  I started to read the section on fears and the author said most people are scared either of failure or rejection.  Reading that started me thinking.  I don't have confidence that I'm going to succeed.  I worry so much about it that my thinking and performance suffers.  I decided to start at the begininning of the book and see what I could learn.  Well, I learned plenty! I have to be patient for real change to take place.  At least, now I have some things to work on." Julia    
Problems fester if you don't deal with them    
"I first saw Secrets from the Sofa in my dentist's waiting room.  I thought it was a strange book to be in a dentist's office but the dentist told me that Dr. Herman was his patient! Anyway, the book interested me so much that I bought a copy. I was having problems with a co-worker and it was bothering me considerably.  Reading the book gave me the guts to approach the man and tell him what was bothering me.  Believe it or not he apologized and is not bugging me anymore.  The big thing I learned from reading the book is that problems fester in your mind if you don't deal with them. Talking to myself about the situation and dwelling on it was getting me nowhere." Mike